Filed under: Packers, Steelers, Super Bowl
Clay Matthews, the Green Bay Packers‘ linebacker with the flowing golden locks that makes every woman jealous, destroys Troy Polamalu in the competition for greatest Super Bowl hair.
I know this because I just showed a picture of both men’s hair to my wife and she said, “I have naturally curly hair like Troy Polamalu, but I think he needs to invest in a wide-tooth comb and use a better conditioner. So my vote is for Matthews because it seems to me that he knows how to take care of his hair better. You can’t fake that silkiness. You just can’t.”
There you go. After all, who knows hair better than women? The answer is certainly not men. And the answer is most certainly not this man. Indeed, American women spend more on hair care products than the entire continent of Africa spends on food each year. (I made that up, but it seems like it’s probably true).
Ask any woman, whose hair you would rather have and the answer is Matthews — by a landslide. Polamalu’s flowing curls are impressive, just not as photogenic or as well kept. In fact, even Troy Polamalu, a fellow USC grad, would probably confess to being jealous of Matthews’ hair if he was being completely honest.
Sure, Polamalu’s hair is insured for a million dollars by Head & Shoulders, but that pales in comparison to Heidi Klum’s legs being insured for $2 million. And it’s blatantly clear even to challenged Steeler fans that Head & Shoulders would insure Matthews’ hair for $5 million if it could.
Ultimately, each man is a modern-day Samson, finishing 1-2 in the NFL‘s defensive MVP vote can’t be a coincidence can it? Like Samson, cut the hair and disaster would follow.
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